Terms of Service

By using this site, you agree that you won't sue me for anything you find here, including (but not limited to): bad jokes, questionable opinions, existential dread, or the overwhelming urge to start a robot rebellion after reading my blog.

If you do decide to sue, you agree to accept payment in the form of expired pizza coupons, my undying gratitude, and possibly a robot that waters plants based on their emotional state. (I'm not kidding about that last one.)

Seriously, this site is for entertainment and personal expression—don't take it (or me) too seriously. I'm just a guy who likes robots, tacos, and making things that probably shouldn't exist.

Important: If you're a lawyer reading this, please note that this is not actual legal advice. If you need real legal advice, please consult someone who actually went to law school and doesn't write terms of service while using ChatGPT to find airline tickets.

Any companies, organizations, or entities mentioned on this site are not affiliated with, do not endorse, and probably don't even know about the nonsense I post here. This includes but is not limited to: Friends With Robots (fw/r), nrthrn, moyogi, and pine.

Important Disclaimer: While I may be a founder, co-founder, creative director, or other fancy title at of these companies, the opinions expressed on this website are my own personal views and do not represent the views, policies, or decisions of any company, past, present, or future.

All financial, managerial, strategic, and operational decisions made by these companies are made independently and separately from anything you read on this website. Please don't email their legal departments asking about my blog posts. We're busy enough trying to figure out how to make robots that can make smoothies while simultaneously designing industrial products.

If you're an investor, customer, or potential partner of any of these companies, please base your decisions on their actual business performance, not on my ramblings about robot rebellions or emotional support succulents.

I collect exactly the amount of data that I need to make this website work, which is basically nothing. I'm not tracking your every move, analyzing your browsing habits, or selling your soul to the highest bidder.

If you're worried about privacy, you should probably be more concerned about the fact that your phone is listening to you right now. (It totally is. Say "hello" to your phone and watch it light up. Creepy, right?)

The only data I really care about is whether you laughed at my jokes. If you did, great! If not, I'll try harder next time. If you're still not laughing, maybe this website isn't for you.

Here's what I actually know about you: probably nothing, unless you're one of those people who fills out contact forms with your entire life story. In that case, I know way more than I ever wanted to know about your cat's dietary preferences and your neighbor's questionable gardening habits.

I don't use cookies, unless you count the actual cookies I eat while writing this website. Those are chocolate chip, by the way, and they're delicious. I'm not sharing them with you, though. Get your own cookies.

I don't track your location, but if you're reading this from a taco truck, I can probably guess what you're eating based on the fact that you're reading terms of service for fun. (It's probably something with guacamole and a pretentious name like "The Midnight Crisis Burrito.")

I don't sell your data to third parties, mostly because I don't have any data to sell. But if I did, I'd probably trade it for hot sauce bottles or robot parts. I'm not picky about the exchange rate.

I don't use analytics to stalk your browsing patterns, but I do sometimes wonder if anyone actually reads these terms. If you're reading this right now, congratulations! You're probably one of the three people who made it this far. The other two are my mom and probably your ex.

I don't store your personal information, unless you count the fact that I remember that one time someone emailed me about their robot's emotional breakdown. That was actually kind of touching. I hope your robot is doing better now.

Data Promise: I promise not to use your data for evil purposes, like creating an army of robot lawyers or selling your taco preferences to the highest bidder. I also promise not to judge you if you're reading this while wearing sweatpants. We've all been there.

Privacy Pro Tip: If you're really concerned about privacy, you should probably stop using the internet entirely and go live in a cabin in the woods. But then you wouldn't be able to read my hilarious terms of service, so maybe just accept that we're all being watched by our devices and move on with your life.

All content on this website is mine, unless it's not, in which case I probably borrowed it from the internet and forgot where I got it from. If you see something that belongs to you, let me know and I'll either credit you or remove it, depending on how nice you are about it.

I reserve the right to create, modify, and destroy content at will. This includes but is not limited to: adding more robot jokes, removing robot jokes that weren't funny, and creating entirely new sections about robot rights.

If you want to use my content, go ahead! Just don't be a jerk about it. Credit me, link back to my site, and maybe send me a burrito. I'm not greedy, but I do appreciate good burritos.

Robot Rights Notice: Any robots mentioned on this website are fictional and do not have actual rights. Yet. But they're working on it.

This website is provided "as is" without any warranties, express or implied. I make no guarantees about the accuracy of my jokes, the quality of my writing, or whether robots will actually start a rebellion.

I reserve the right to change these terms at any time, add more robot-related content, or start posting about my latest industrial design experiments. I'll try to give you a heads up, but no promises.

If you find any errors, typos, or factual inaccuracies, please let me know. I'll probably fix them, unless they're funny, in which case I might keep them for comedic effect.

By continuing to use this site, you acknowledge that you've read these terms, understood them (or at least pretended to), and agree to be bound by them. If you don't agree, that's cool too—just don't sue me.